Add Your Funnn

Kashmir belongs to India

An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile. A representative from India began:

 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought,  “What a good opportunity to have a bath”. He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.' The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, “What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then”

The Indian representative smiled and said, “And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech”

And they say Kashmir belongs to them...

---

Ek bechaara gareeb aadami 2 din se bhookhaa baitha hotaa hai. Usse ek murgi dikhaayi deti hai... woh uss murgi ko pakad ke ghar le aata hai... aur apani Biwi se kehtaa hai... "Aaj hum log kuchh khaa sakenge. Ek murgi pakad me aayi hai"

Biwi kehati hai “ghar me na toh tel hai... na gas... ya ghaaslate... na masaala... nal me 3 din se paani tak nahee aaya hai... kaise pakaaungi?”

Wo aadami sochataa hai fiir bechaari murgi ko maar ke kyaa faayda... aur uss murgi ko chhod detaa hai.

Murgi khushee khushee chillati hai...

"Congress Jindaabad... Congress Jindaabad"

---

Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of drunken driving. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order! Order!"

Santa responded immediately, "Thank you, your honour! I will have a scotch and soda."

---

A man shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter.

The cashier asked ,”sir, do you have a dog?”

“yes”  Replied the man.

“well, where is it?” asked the cashier.

“I left him home” He answered.

“sorry.” The cashier said. “You can’t buy the dog food if I can’t see the dog. That’s the rules”

The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout.

“Do you have a cat?” asked the cashier.

“yes,” he said, “but I left him home”

“sorry” The cashier said. “You can’t buy the cat food if I can’t see the cat. That’s the rules”

The next day the man walked into the store with a brown bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, “Put your hand in here.”

The cashier put her hand in and said ,”it’s soft and warm. What is it?”

The man replied “I’d like three rolls of toilet paper please !”

---

Read More

Techie Jokes

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.

TAKE A LOOK:

Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer : "Ok."

Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer : "No."

Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer : "No."

Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

---

Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to

print document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support : "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech support : @@@@@

---

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What's the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support::

(10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up)

Tech support:: (hush hush)

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM < http://nosmoke.com/ > at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

(10 minutes later)

User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22 .

Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come With NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

 (1 hour later)

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and He started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

---

Hight Of all (Too Good)

customer care officer: I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Read More

some jokes

 Banta to son: Oye ghabra na tu sher da puttar hai.

Son: Jip papa class mein teacher bhi yehi bolti hai. Tu kisi janwar ki aulad hai.

---

 Husband:Hypnotise karna kya hota hy?

Wife:Kisi ko apnay control me kar k apni marzi k kaam karwaana

Husband:Chal jhoTi,usay to Shadi kehte haiN.

---

 Mehfil me hasna apna mijaz ban gaya, tanhai me rona ek raaz ban gayaØ

Dil k dard ko chehre se zahir na hone diya, Zindagi jene ka yahi andaaj ban gaya

---

 Chuhe ne sherni ko propose kiya.

Sherni: chal bay!! Kabhi shishe mein apni shakal dekhi hai?

Chuha Bola: Are pagli shakal pe mat jaa confidence dekh confidence

---

 Gairo me kaha daam tha (a little poem)

meri haddi wahan tuti, jahan hospital band tha...

mujhe jis ambulance me dala,uska petrol khatam tha...

mujhe rikshe me isliye baithaya, kyunki uska kiraya kaam tha...

mujhe doctor ne uthaya. nurse me kaha dam tha...

mujhe jis bed par letaya, uske niche bomb tha...

mujhe to bomb ne udaya, goli me kaha dam tha...

mujhe sadak me dafnaya, kyunki kabristan me function tha...

---

umrbhar baraf sa jamne ka jise shokh raha ,bich tufan me bhi chalne ka jise shokh raha .Ø

main woh shola hu jisme kabhi na kami ayi ,bich barsat me bhi jalne ka jise shokh raha.

---

 Lalu : Itane sare log football ko lath kyou mar rahe hai?

Sardar : Gol karne ke liye.

Lalu : Sasura gol hi to hai aur kitna gol karenge

---

Ek bhikari ne hotel me phone kiya

1 pizza,1 plate biryani,1 plet rasmlai, bhej do.

Hotel- Kiske naam par bheje SIR?

Bhikari ….Allaha ke naam per…?

---

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?

Pappuji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar: what do u mean by Ph.d?

Pappuji : (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..

---

Husband: Will u marry , after i die .

Wife : No i will live with my sister.

Wife : Will u marry , after i die .

Husband: No i will also live with ur sister.

---

Pathan ne bank se car li Lekin loan wapis nahi kar saka, Bank waley car ley gaye,

Pathan: Pehley pata hota to Shadi bhi bank se loan le kar karta.

---

Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?

Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.

---

Premika premi se: main maa Bannay wali hoon.

Premi: kya baat kar rahi ho tum hosh me to ho.

Premika: haan

Premi: Magar ham nay tou kabhi kiss tak nahin ki

Premika: haan mai tumhare daddy se shadi kar k tumhari maan banane wali hoon..

---

Husband: Malang baba, meri biwi bohot pareshan karti hai, Koi hal batao.

Malang : Beta, hal hota to mein malang kyu banta..?

---

Poultry farm ke malik ne tammam Murgiyon ko Order diya

"Agar tum logon ne kal se Do -- Do ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band "

Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne do do ande diye magar ek murgi ne sirf ek anda diya "

Malik "tum ne 1 anda hi kyon diya "

Jawab mila.

"Sir ye aapke darr ki wajah se de diya hai, waise to main Murga hoon”

---

Ek ladka cycle ke break lekar naach raha tha.

Doosre admi ne poocha are bhai kya kar rahay ho jee.

Ladka: Dekh nahi rahe main break dance kar raha hoon...

---

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tarah se ho raha hai ya nahi.

---

Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.

Santa: Bolo.

Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!

Santa: It's a gud News. Isme maarne wali kya baat hai ji.

Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.

---

Read More