Thursday, June 10, 2010

Puzzle + Jokes



Puzzle 1
There are two rooms. They have regular walls between them and are completely seperate, except for a door connecting the two. When the door is closed, it lets absolutely no light through. The first room has three light switches (Switch A, Switch B, and Switch C), each of which starts in the off position. The second room has a bare lightbulb, connected to the wall four feet up. One of the three switches turns on the light bulb. The other two do nothing. You do not know which one. You start in the first room. You may flip any of the light switches, as many times as you want for as long as you want. But you may not open the door into the second room, yet. Once you've played with the light switches, you have to open the door and walk into the second room. Once you open the door you may not touch any of the light switches again. After you've been in the second room you must know EXACTLY which light switch turns on the light bulb (Switch A, B or C).

Ans:-Turn on the switch A for 30 minutes. Then turn it off and turn on switch B.
Immediately go into the second room. If the light bulb is warm and off, then switch A controls it. If it is on, then switch B controls it. If it is off and cold, then switch C controls it.
Puzzle 2
Lewis goes to the pet store and buys 2 male goldfish.
These are the only fish Lewis has. Two weeks later, one of the fish Lewis bought, dies.
Now only two fish remain. How is this possible.
Ans:-two fish was the fishes name. the other was one fish
Puzzle 3
 If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Ans:-The temperature would be minus 32 C (32C is 0F so 2 times 32 would be -32C...)
Jokes Here
Joke:
Teacher: Whoever answers this question can go home now one hour early
Student: Accidentally shoots a spit ball at his teacher
Teacher: who shot that spit ball
Student: I did by mistake. See you tomorrow.

Joke:
Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it. While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, 'Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?'
The father replies, 'I don't want them screwing your mother after I'm gone!

Joke:-
A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants to do anything with you, don't resist, don't complain.....do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"
His wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck - he was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay; he thinks you're cute, and asked if we had anything. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong. I love you, too."

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

March fun

Read this, it's really cool....
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,  "Do you know where God is, son?"  The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is
God?!"
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,
"Where is God?!"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"what happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time".
("I really LOVED reading next line again and again")

....

....

.... GOD is missing, and they think we did it!!!!!!!!!! !!!!


Who are Better Friends? Men or Women
Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriends apartment overnight.
The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.
Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment overnight.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!
Conclusion : Men are better friends


Ten ways to stop those credit card sales, mobile companies, insurance calls
from irritating you:
1)      After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you.
2)      Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her, if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.
3)      Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
4)      Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.
5)      Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to
your five year old child.
6)      Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up.... Louder... Louder... Louder!
7)      If they start out with, "How are you today?", say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems............."
8)      Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down.
9)      Cry out in surprise, "Helen, is that you? I've been hoping you'd call! How is the family?" When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.
10)  Tell the ICICI call centre guy to call on your office number - and give him the HSBC call centre number.




AN AMERICAN VISITED INDIA AND WENT BACK TO AMERICA WHERE HE MET HIS INDIAN FRIEND WHO ASKED HIM “HOW DID U FOUND MY COUNTRY” THE AMERICAN SAID IT IS A GREAT COUNTRY WITH SOLID ANCIENT HISTORY AND IMMENSELY RICH WITH NATURAL RESOURCES. THE INDIAN FRIEND THEN ASKED …. “HOW U FOUND INDIANS …….??”
“INDIANS??”
“WHO INDIANS??”
I DIDN'T FIND OR MET A SINGLE INDIAN THERE IN INDIA …….
“WHAT NONSENSE??”
“WHO ELSE COULD U MET IN INDIA THEN……??”
THE AMERICAN SAID …….. IN KASHMIR I MET A KASHMIRI–
IN PUNJAB A PUNJABI—–
IN BIHAR,MAHARASTRA, RAJASTHAN, BENGAL ,TAMILNADU,KERALA
BIHARI,MARATHI, MARWADI, BENGALI,TAMILIAN, MALAYALI………
THEN I MET
A MUSLIM,
A HINDU
A CHRISTIAN,
A JAIN,
A BUDDHIST
AND MANY MANY MANY MORE
BUT NOT A SINGLE INDIAN DID I MEET

THINK HOW SERIOUS THIS JOKE IS…………….. THE DAY WOULD NOT BE FAR OFF WHEN INDEED WE WOULD BECOME A COLLECTION OF NATION STATES AS SOME REGIONAL ANTI-NATIONAL POLITICIANS WANT ...
FIGHT BACK - ALWAYS SAY I AM INDIAN
Regards,
A True Indian
No Name, Just An Indian....!!

Friday, February 26, 2010

February fever



Two friends Billooo & Tillooo went to school for appearing in English exam (7th standard).
They had crammed an essay of "MY BEST FRIEND".
But unfortunately, in the question-paper it was written ...... write an essay on "MY FATHER” in just 30-45 words.
So Billooo was utterly confused & nervous ...what to do!!!
Tillooo gave an idea . . . . Just write the essay My best friend & just keep on replacing the word friend with the father..
So this was how Billooo & Tillooo wrote the essay "MY FATHER":
Fathers & fathers are everywhere, but good fathers are very rare. I have so many fathers, but my best father is pyarelal. He is my neighbour. He often comes to my home & my mother likes him very much......



Doctor to patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.
Pappu : Doctor saheb Pehle se zyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Pappu : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Pappu ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li
thi kya.
Pappu : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le li thi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Pappu : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?
Pappu : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet
me dala tha k nai?
Pappu : Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Pappu : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Pappu : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band
rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaj main nai kar sakta.
Pappu : Accha Doctor saheb ye to bata do ki main thik kaise hounga



One young man went for an IAS Interview.
"When did India get independence?" He was asked.
"The efforts began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947" He replied.
"Who was responsible for our independence?"
"There were so many. Whom to mention? If I name one, it will be a injustice to another." He replied.
"Is corruption the number one enemy in our country?"
"Some research is going on the subject and I can answer with certainly only after seeing the report" He replied.
The interview board was very pleased with his original and thoughtful answers and asked him not to reveal the questions to others, since they were planning to ask the same questions.
When he went out naturally others were curious to know what was asked. He politely declined, but one persistent Santa would not leave him. "At least tell me the answers" he pleaded, and our friend obliged.
Then it was the turn of this Santa. When he went inside, since his resume was slightly illegible, the board member asked him." By the way, what is your date of birth?"
He replied, "The effort began a few years earlier and final result was in 1947."
Somewhat puzzled, they asked another clarification. "What is your fathers name?"
He replied, "There were so many. Whom to mention". If I name one, it will be injustice to another".
The interviewer was incensed.
"Hey! Are you mad or what?"
He replied. "Some research is going on the subject. I can answer with certainty only after seeing the report."




Before Marriage - - -

Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!

After marriage - - - simply read from bottom to top



Musharaff wanted to raise money for his country, and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. however at the local auction, the going price was very high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. he figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. to his surprise, the donkey came in third!

The next day in the local paper:

'MUSHARAFF'S ASS SHOWS'.

Mian sahib was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again,and this time it won. the paper read:

'MUSHARAFF'S ASS OUT IN FRONT'.

His wife was so upset with this kind of publicity that she ordered mian musharaff not to enter the donkey in another race.

The paper headline read:

'WIFE SCRATCHES MUSHARAFF'ASS'.

This was too much for wife. so she ordered musharaff to get rid of the donkey. Mian sahib decided to give it to benazir.

The paper headline the next day read:

'BENAZIR TAKES MUSHARAFF'S ASS'.

Followed by another on the next day:

'NOW BENAZIR HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN'.

All the opposition leaders got very upset at this kind publicity. They informed benazir that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for Rs.500.

Next day the headline read:

'BENAZIR SELLS HER ASS FOR RS.500'.

This was too much for the veteran opposition leader, nawabzada nasrullah khan, so he ordered benazir to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free.

Next day, the headline in the paper read:

'BENAZIR ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE'.





Once, in the morning, two idiots were quarelling. The first idiot was saying that there is sun in the sky, while other was claiming that there is moon in the sky.

Then they saw a man passing by and decided to ask him what is there in the sky. Both the idiots went to him and asked whether there is sun in the sky or moon. The man stared at both of them and then replied, "Sorry, I am new in this village."



Doctor : "That is due to old age".
Old woman : "But both of my legs are of the same age"......



Dr. Ke Band Clinic Ke Age Lambi Line Thi
Ek Sardar Bar Bar Line Mein Ghusta
Loag Usko Pakar Kar Piche Phenk Dete
Sardar : Lage Raho Saalo Mein Bhi Clinic Nahi Kholunga



Apni bibi ki anthim sanskar kar ek admi ghar laut raha tha.
Beech raste mein jor se hawa chalne lagi, badal garjane lage,
bijli chamki aur tej barish hone lagi. Aadmi ne kaha,
"Lag raha hai ki wah wahan pauch gayi hai."



TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.


Thursday, January 14, 2010

Add Your Funnn

Kashmir belongs to India
An ingenious example of speech and politics occurred recently in the United Nations Assembly that made the world community smile. A representative from India began:
 'Before beginning my talk I want to tell you something about Rishi Kashyap of Kashmir, after whom Kashmir is named. When he struck a rock and it brought forth water, he thought,  “What a good opportunity to have a bath”. He removed his clothes, put them aside on the rock and entered the water. When he got out and wanted to dress, his clothes had vanished. A Pakistani had stolen them.' The Pakistani representative jumped up furiously and shouted, “What are you talking about? The Pakistanis weren't there then”
The Indian representative smiled and said, “And now that we have made that clear, I will begin my speech”
And they say Kashmir belongs to them...

Ek bechaara gareeb aadami 2 din se bhookhaa baitha hotaa hai. Usse ek murgi dikhaayi deti hai... woh uss murgi ko pakad ke ghar le aata hai... aur apani Biwi se kehtaa hai... "Aaj hum log kuchh khaa sakenge. Ek murgi pakad me aayi hai"
Biwi kehati hai “ghar me na toh tel hai... na gas... ya ghaaslate... na masaala... nal me 3 din se paani tak nahee aaya hai... kaise pakaaungi?”
Wo aadami sochataa hai fiir bechaari murgi ko maar ke kyaa faayda... aur uss murgi ko chhod detaa hai.
Murgi khushee khushee chillati hai...
"Congress Jindaabad... Congress Jindaabad"

Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of drunken driving. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order! Order!"
Santa responded immediately, "Thank you, your honour! I will have a scotch and soda."

A man shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter.
The cashier asked ,”sir, do you have a dog?”
“yes”  Replied the man.
“well, where is it?” asked the cashier.
“I left him home” He answered.
“sorry.” The cashier said. “You can’t buy the dog food if I can’t see the dog. That’s the rules”
The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout.
“Do you have a cat?” asked the cashier.
“yes,” he said, “but I left him home”
“sorry” The cashier said. “You can’t buy the cat food if I can’t see the cat. That’s the rules”
The next day the man walked into the store with a brown bag. He walked up to the cashier and said, “Put your hand in here.”
The cashier put her hand in and said ,”it’s soft and warm. What is it?”
The man replied “I’d like three rolls of toilet paper please !”

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Techie Jokes


PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH......FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.
TAKE A LOOK:
Tech Support : "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer : "Ok."
Tech Support : "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer : "No."
Tech Support : "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer : "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Customer : "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support : "What does it say?"
Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support : "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer : "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
Tech support : @@@@@

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
(10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up)
Tech support:: (hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM < http://nosmoke.com/ > at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
(10 minutes later)
User : It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech : That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come With NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
 (1 hour later)
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and He started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.

Hight Of all (Too Good)

customer care officer: I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Monday, January 11, 2010

some jokes

 Banta to son: Oye ghabra na tu sher da puttar hai.
Son: Jip papa class mein teacher bhi yehi bolti hai. Tu kisi janwar ki aulad hai.

 Husband:Hypnotise karna kya hota hy?
Wife:Kisi ko apnay control me kar k apni marzi k kaam karwaana
Husband:Chal jhoTi,usay to Shadi kehte haiN.

 Mehfil me hasna apna mijaz ban gaya, tanhai me rona ek raaz ban gayaØ
Dil k dard ko chehre se zahir na hone diya, Zindagi jene ka yahi andaaj ban gaya

 Chuhe ne sherni ko propose kiya.
Sherni: chal bay!! Kabhi shishe mein apni shakal dekhi hai?
Chuha Bola: Are pagli shakal pe mat jaa confidence dekh confidence

 Gairo me kaha daam tha (a little poem)
meri haddi wahan tuti, jahan hospital band tha...
mujhe jis ambulance me dala,uska petrol khatam tha...
mujhe rikshe me isliye baithaya, kyunki uska kiraya kaam tha...
mujhe doctor ne uthaya. nurse me kaha dam tha...
mujhe jis bed par letaya, uske niche bomb tha...
mujhe to bomb ne udaya, goli me kaha dam tha...
mujhe sadak me dafnaya, kyunki kabristan me function tha...

umrbhar baraf sa jamne ka jise shokh raha ,bich tufan me bhi chalne ka jise shokh raha .Ø
main woh shola hu jisme kabhi na kami ayi ,bich barsat me bhi jalne ka jise shokh raha.

 Lalu : Itane sare log football ko lath kyou mar rahe hai?
Sardar : Gol karne ke liye.
Lalu : Sasura gol hi to hai aur kitna gol karenge

Ek bhikari ne hotel me phone kiya
1 pizza,1 plate biryani,1 plet rasmlai, bhej do.
Hotel- Kiske naam par bheje SIR?
Bhikari ….Allaha ke naam per…?

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Pappuji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar: what do u mean by Ph.d?
Pappuji : (smiling) PASSED HIGH SCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..

Husband: Will u marry , after i die .
Wife : No i will live with my sister.
Wife : Will u marry , after i die .
Husband: No i will also live with ur sister.

Pathan ne bank se car li Lekin loan wapis nahi kar saka, Bank waley car ley gaye,
Pathan: Pehley pata hota to Shadi bhi bank se loan le kar karta.



Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain?
Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaat hai.

Premika premi se: main maa Bannay wali hoon.
Premi: kya baat kar rahi ho tum hosh me to ho.
Premika: haan
Premi: Magar ham nay tou kabhi kiss tak nahin ki
Premika: haan mai tumhare daddy se shadi kar k tumhari maan banane wali hoon..

Husband: Malang baba, meri biwi bohot pareshan karti hai, Koi hal batao.
Malang : Beta, hal hota to mein malang kyu banta..?

Poultry farm ke malik ne tammam Murgiyon ko Order diya
"Agar tum logon ne kal se Do -- Do ande nahi diye to kal se tumhara dana pani band "
Murgiya dar gayi ....sab ne do do ande diye magar ek murgi ne sirf ek anda diya "
Malik "tum ne 1 anda hi kyon diya "
Jawab mila.
"Sir ye aapke darr ki wajah se de diya hai, waise to main Murga hoon”

Ek ladka cycle ke break lekar naach raha tha.
Doosre admi ne poocha are bhai kya kar rahay ho jee.
Ladka: Dekh nahi rahe main break dance kar raha hoon...

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tarah se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Jeeto: Ek baat batani hai, par plz muje marna nahi.
Santa: Bolo.
Jeeto: Mein Pregnant hu!
Santa: It's a gud News. Isme maarne wali kya baat hai ji.
Jeeto: Shadi k pahle pitaji ko bataya to bahut maar padi thi.

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